Angry Nate's Tale on the Game (2nd attempt)

Damn it Chewie!!! GROW YOUR HAIR BACK!!!!!!! Sampson's strength was in his curls, yours was in your creepy pirate style facial hair. Your nickname is Chewie, as in Chewbacca, you idiot. Enjoy your time on the bench until it all grows back. Until then you are Blewbacca. (analysis, he played REEEAAALLLY bad)

OUR STRIKERS ARE MIDGETS!!! Quit chipping the ball to their heads. Our current squad is built around speed and passing it on the ground. MLS defenders are known for their size. Until Jaqua gets back and Kufo arrives an arial game won't be affective.

On the bright side, Noonan had a good game. He was well received by the fans (including the Noonan I brought with me), and seemed to link up well with Lhungeberg. Expect him to start over Blewie this week.

Other good news, our defense played well defensively. (poorly on attack. I'm lookin' at you Riley)Holding the 1-0 scoreline gave a chance to salvage a point, we just didn't take advantage.

Even more good news, we know what the problem is, and we fixed it. We just have to be patient. Noonan should help provide goals until our big ticket striker gets here from Holland. Blaise Kufo, which is Swahili for MLS Champion, will arrive in Seattle after World Cup. His team Twente Enschede is in first place, and he just scored another goal on Saturday.

Posting and Commenting Advice

Perhaps the most irritating thing in the history of the internet is writing a big well thought out insightful awesome post/comment, only to hit submit and find out you haven't signed in. That just happened to me for the third time as i submitted my post about the NY game. So a word of advice, copy what you post/comment before you submit it. Damn thats annoying.

Red Bull Review

Shit. Frustrating game. Not much else to say. At least the tailgate went well. Stupid Bouna and Kandji.

Red Bulls Preview

"No, no. It's not a cow. It's a a minotaur. It's a creature of myth. And he got this one out of your mom's closet."


Danny Donahue - Role Models


"She let me keep it after I fucked her."


Wheeler - Role Models


Did you know that after last week's game, the organization that reviews performances by referees determined that our refs made a bad off-sides call, and robbed Nyassi of a goal? Do you know what else they robbed us of? Free haircuts. Yes. 3 goals = free haircuts. That ref owes me one haircut. And a rinse, because I don't want to go home and shower afterwards. Do your job. Ass.


I don't know what to make of NYRB. They looked decent in their opener beating Chicago 1-0, but it's hard to gauge what they will really be like from that one game. First game in a new stadium, under a new coach, and on a grass surface that is a 6522% improvement over the Meadowlands turf where they used to play. So was their performance the result of a renewed sense of optimism? Or was it the result of an improved squad?


Who really knows. Here's what I do know. I love donuts. I love bacon. I love guacamole. And NYRB won't be as easy to beat as they were in last year's opener, when SSFC embarrassed NYRB 3-0 without the services of Freddie Ljungberg. Oh, and NYRB has a new goalie - they no longer have Danny "Pizza Face" Cepero in the net.


Two big differences for NYRB. First, they have a new coach who seems to actually know how to coach. That alone should make them more difficult to score on. Second, they have a new player from Estonia who seems to be a good player - Joel Lindpere. That name doesn't seem very Estonian to me - that name sounds Swiss to me. Did you know that in 2000, the country of Luxembourg drank more liters of beer per person than any other country in the world? Amazing.


Back to the point. I don't really know how this game is going to play out. But if Freddie Ljungberg can play, I think SSFC will control possession. Whether they generate and finish scoring chances is the big question. 


I am pessimistic about most things in my life, but not about the Sounders. So I'll go with a scoreline of 2-1, with Zakuani scoring the second goal.


Now on to important matters. Saturday's tailgate looks to be interesting. Weather looks terrible. We'll be under the loud-as-hell viaduct again, but maybe we'll actually stay dry that way. I can't wait until we actually get to tailgate in the sunshine.

More DPs on the Way - Who Do You Want Now

I'll take the chance that this isn't just an April Fool's joke, and post that MLS has decided to allow team to sign up to three Designated Players. Seattle will probably make use of this new rule to bring in another big name player. And I know who I want. Juan Roman Riquelme.


Don't let the sexually suggestive photograph fool you, this guy is still interested in playing soccer. Riquelme is a big guy who plays as an attacking central midfielder and can create as well as maintain possession. Get Brad Evans out of the lineup and put Riquelme in. 


This new development takes me one step closer to being right about NYRB signing Thierry Henry once the World Cup is over. With another DP slot, NYRB can bring in Henry and not worry about having to convince Henry to accept a huge pay cut to fit under the salary cap.

Raise your hands (or comment) if you read this blog!

Luis being Luis recently so much as fired me from posting for Sounder Waves. Why would he do such a thing, you ask!? Well I'll tell ya. I dared mention that no one actually reads this thing, and it is merely a public platform for him to ramble on for way to many paragraphs about tactics that not even the players understand, while I am trying to provide something a little less ANALytical, and a little more fun.

It is an epic power struggle that stems back to the age of 5, when Luis violated my turf by moving in across the street from me. He will tell you I stole his toys. I will tell you he stole my baseball cards, in High School. He will tell you I broke his arm, I will tell you he broke his own stupid arm by jumping in to me. He went with prep, purple, and liverpool. I went Blanchet, COUGS, and Chelsea. He did England, I did France, you get the idea.

So I have one request before Luis deletes my posting powers. If you read and don't comment, get your comment on! If you get your comment on, get your comment on again!

Next up- New Jersey Red Balls

Last year, Sounders FC opened up the season with a 3-0 win over the MLS Cup runner's up. Two goals from Montero and a third from Brad Evans got us off to a great start. This time around, New York is getting a lot of hype because of their new stadium and coach. Don't believe the hype! They are still crap, and nothing but a win will do this Saturday.

So here is the question- What is the lamest thing about the Red Bulls franchise? Is it the fact that their entire name/identity is tied to an energy drink that gives you a worse hang over than alcohol? Maybe you think its a bit pozerous to claim New York when they are from New Jersey? Maybe you are pissed that they only averaged 12,000 fans last year?

Also- Please include any ridiculously rude or catchy insults for their players!

Share your thoughts below...

It's Pat.... Noonan!

"You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make $14 the hard way?"
                Al Czervik - Caddyshack

How many obvious jokes can we make with this guy's name? I'll limit myself to a Caddyshack quote, but not one involving Danny Noonan.

So Pat Noonan is on trial with the Sounders. Noonan was formerly with the Columbus Crew, and prior to that he was a long-time contributor with the New England Revolution. No word yet on whether or not he's going to get signed to the roster, so for now all we can do is speculate. But I think there are two points to be made from him even being in camp. And I'll make them together.

A guy like Pat Noonan gets a trial with Seattle because Sigi is not entirely comfortable with the options he currently has at outside midfield and forward. That means that Jaqua is probably out indefinitely (they are not sure what's wrong with his groin or how to make it better - I think the problem is that he has a vagina instead of a penis), and that Sigi doesn't think that guys like Estrada, Chewy, Nyassi and Souter are capable of being everyday players.

I do not think that Chewy or Nyassi are everyday players. Nyassi is the posterchild for ADHD, hyperactive hypoglycemic. He can't sit still, and he can't stop running everywhere at full speed. Guys like that often find themselves out of position. Chewy just can't cut it for 70 minutes. He needs to come in when everybody else is tired, and his poor first touch won't get punished the way it does when everybody else's legs are as fresh as his.

Souter, well, we haven't seen much of him other than the Portland friendly. I wasn't impressed. That leaves Estrada, the top draft pick. If we're looking at Noonan, then apparently Estrada hasn't made Sigi comfortable enough to start him.

Miguel Montano is a bit of a wild card here, but I don't think he's going to play much until the SSFC starts competing in CONCACAF Champions League play later this summer.

I think Noonan would be a good signing. He is a solid all-around player who can score and do the dirty work. He's not going to solve our scoring problems. But he should be able to stabilize the right midfield position and make the job his. Hopefully, we won't really need him to play up front, but he can do that also. Overall, this move makes a lot of sense because it adds depth at the two places we need it. I think Sigi will sign him, and at the end of the year we'll consider his addition a smart one.

2-0 Means (Le) Toux Bad for Philly

I wasn't exactly right about the scoreline, but I would have been had Chewy finished his sitter in the first half. 2-0 is just alright with me, but 4-0 would have been even more just alright than Jesus. I'm not interested in a deep philosophical breakdown of the game, because Philly is awful and the conditions weren't ideal. But here are my thoughts:

1. We may still struggle to score goals until Kufo arrives
2. The defense still looks solid
3. Zakuani may be ready to live up to the hype
4. This team can get a lot better going forward

So we blew some opportunities. Happened last year, happened this year. At least we got enough to take three points. So I'm not going to sweat the poor finishing just yet. But it's on my radar.

The D - good performance. But they weren't really tested beyond the first 10 minutes of the game. Philly showed some decent ball control early, and it culminated in a shot on goal by Orozco, but Keller was well positioned and the shot was under enough pressure that it never really was very dangerous. After Sounders got the opening goal, they settled down and controlled the game. Even if they didn't have the ball, the D made sure that Philly's possession never amounted to opportunities on goal.

Zakuani tormented his defenders all night. And he found somebody with his crosses, which is progress for him. I still want to see him make the decision to run at defenders more quickly, so he takes advantage of the space behind them before other defenders move into supporting positions. But I also want a pair of soft leather knee-high boots. We can't have everything we want (I'll settle for a dark green cape, if anybody has one). At my most pessimistic, I can say that Zakuani's defender wasn't very good. But even in this mindset, I must admit that he took advantage of his man. Last year, even when playing against slower defenders, Zakuani often struggled to make an impact on the game. Not the case this time around.

SSFC looked good. This was a workmanlike performance in some pretty bad conditions. They got two goals, they got out with a clean sheet, and the only injuries were the result of Philly's strange knee-to-the-back fetish. They didn't look dominating, and that's fine. It's early in the season. The way SSFC played, there is plenty of room for growth. The passes and touches will get crisper and sharper, and fitness levels will improve. Ultimately, I think we're going to see Seattle be able to play creative attacking soccer this year that results in goals, not just clever interplay 40 yards from net.

The Opener - Philly Union suck balls that are smooth as eggs

"So it begins, the great battle of our time."
              Gandalf - Return of the King

So here we are. Match 1 of Season 2 of SSFC. And our opponent is almost a complete unknown. Who knows what the hell to expect from Philly. A glance at their roster (and reading what others are saying) suggests that Philly will be a hard-working, defensive minded squad. If you're starting guys like Le Toux, I have to believe that's the truth. There are no real scary attacking players on their roster, just a bunch of annoying pests and guys who are really too inconsistent to be much of a legitimate scoring threat.

Which leaves me with only one option - to write an entire post about what I hope to see from the game. To start with, ball control. We struggled with it at times last year. The roster hasn't turned over, and the guys should be better able to link up and play as a team. I want to see us dominate possession against the Union, who are likely to pack it in and hope for a counter attack goal.

I also want to see us score the chances we get. If Montero gets a wide open look in the opening 20 minutes and blows it, I think you're going to hear a lot of moans and groans from the crowd, who will feel like we're picking things up right where they left off last year. If we can get an early goal, then the crowd will go nuts, and I think the Union will have to come out of their shell, making for a much more entertaining game. My guess is we create a few good chances in the opening 20 - I want to see one go in.

Additionally, I do not want to see the defensive flukes that plagued us at times last year. They always seemed to involve Tyrone Marshall. Whether it's whiffing on a clearance, or clearing a ball off a teammate, or not expecting a crazy bounce, SSFC defenders need to make sure that Philly gets no cheap and easy goals. If we can make them earn their goals, I think we handle them easily.

My prediction for the game:
      4-0 Sounders

Make it happen boys.