So work has taken control of my life, and the little spare time I've had for soccer has been dominated by the EPL title race. Chelsea play Liverpool on Sunday and Wigan the following week. If they win out the are the Champions, otherwise it's another title for Man-chowder United.
The Sounders are playing exactly how I predicted at the begining of the season. Our lack of goals keeps teams in games, sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, sometimes we draw. We all just need to cross our collective fingers and hope we're in a good position by July. The season doesn't truely begin until Kufo gets here.
So what will happen tomorrow against the Crew? I have no freakin idea, but of course I'll be in the stands yelling my head off.
April 30, 2010
May 1st - Columbus Crew
I haven't seen Columbus play this year, and I can't stand to think anymore about the way Seattle plays. So I'm going to focus today's post about Columbus on things that are only partially related to soccer.
First, if anybody is curious why Columbus has won the Supporter's Shield for the last two years (best record during the regular season), they only need to look to one man - Steven Lenhart. He is their not so secret weapon. What does he bring to the table? He's a superhero. That's what. In fact, he's the Greatest American Hero. Call this my version of hard-hitting investigative journalism. Look at these pictures. Can you honestly say that it's not the same person? I think this is just a bad job of trying to hide your identity. He could at least get a mask or something to cover his eyes, like Robin does. This is just ridiculous. It would have been too obvious had he signed with a team like Toronto that wore red. And if that team also wore capes? The tactical approach to a guy like this is simple - force him to land in small spaces. The Greatest American Hero always struggled to land. Don't give him wide open spaces to land in, and he'll spend the entire game crashing. Columbus will not score. Problem solved.
Another guy on this team is apparently trying to hide his identity, Frankie Hejduk. I can't think of a reason for Jeff Spicoli to try and conceal his true identity, but I think he's done a better job than the GAH. Take a look at these pictures. My guess is that Spicoli had a little bit of work done. Enough to make you doubt that it's him, but still enough of his original face for his mother to recognize him. If I had to guess, I would suggest that Spicoli got in trouble selling drugs. I guess playing soccer is a good way to hide yourself in this country, since outside of a few members of the media, nobody will know who the hell he is. If the rumors are correct, Spicoli first tried hiding in the NBA. He thought that playing in a league where everybody sold and used drugs would keep him anonymous. Unfortunately, and somehow defying explanation, the NBA still has fans. And some of them knew who he was. Hence the switch to soccer.
It didn't take long to figure out who Eddie Gaven really is. Beaky Buzzard. He did a poor job of trying to disguise himself. Unlike our previous two players, I have a good idea of why Beaky Buzzard is in hiding. Turns out that Beaky was running an underage escort service out of France. The operation never had any problems because it's customers were powerful men: Vladimir Putin, Jacques Chirac, Silvio Berlusconi, and Tony Danza. Those were just the ones everybody knew about. Several others were rumored to be involved: Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, Mr. Rogers, even Bob Ross. But Beaky saw the leak in the hull before the ship started sinking. He started his second career many years ago, and sold off his interest in the escort service. Unfortunately, Beaky has lost a lot of weight. Apparently, there is a lot of stress involved with hiding your identity.
There is a simple lesson from all this about how we should feel about the Columbus Crew. I believe Jeff Spicoli said it best, when he said, "Those guys are fags!"
First, if anybody is curious why Columbus has won the Supporter's Shield for the last two years (best record during the regular season), they only need to look to one man - Steven Lenhart. He is their not so secret weapon. What does he bring to the table? He's a superhero. That's what. In fact, he's the Greatest American Hero. Call this my version of hard-hitting investigative journalism. Look at these pictures. Can you honestly say that it's not the same person? I think this is just a bad job of trying to hide your identity. He could at least get a mask or something to cover his eyes, like Robin does. This is just ridiculous. It would have been too obvious had he signed with a team like Toronto that wore red. And if that team also wore capes? The tactical approach to a guy like this is simple - force him to land in small spaces. The Greatest American Hero always struggled to land. Don't give him wide open spaces to land in, and he'll spend the entire game crashing. Columbus will not score. Problem solved.
Another guy on this team is apparently trying to hide his identity, Frankie Hejduk. I can't think of a reason for Jeff Spicoli to try and conceal his true identity, but I think he's done a better job than the GAH. Take a look at these pictures. My guess is that Spicoli had a little bit of work done. Enough to make you doubt that it's him, but still enough of his original face for his mother to recognize him. If I had to guess, I would suggest that Spicoli got in trouble selling drugs. I guess playing soccer is a good way to hide yourself in this country, since outside of a few members of the media, nobody will know who the hell he is. If the rumors are correct, Spicoli first tried hiding in the NBA. He thought that playing in a league where everybody sold and used drugs would keep him anonymous. Unfortunately, and somehow defying explanation, the NBA still has fans. And some of them knew who he was. Hence the switch to soccer.
It didn't take long to figure out who Eddie Gaven really is. Beaky Buzzard. He did a poor job of trying to disguise himself. Unlike our previous two players, I have a good idea of why Beaky Buzzard is in hiding. Turns out that Beaky was running an underage escort service out of France. The operation never had any problems because it's customers were powerful men: Vladimir Putin, Jacques Chirac, Silvio Berlusconi, and Tony Danza. Those were just the ones everybody knew about. Several others were rumored to be involved: Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, Mr. Rogers, even Bob Ross. But Beaky saw the leak in the hull before the ship started sinking. He started his second career many years ago, and sold off his interest in the escort service. Unfortunately, Beaky has lost a lot of weight. Apparently, there is a lot of stress involved with hiding your identity. There is a simple lesson from all this about how we should feel about the Columbus Crew. I believe Jeff Spicoli said it best, when he said, "Those guys are fags!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
