DP Rumors

Who will it be?

The Announcement of Earth Shattering Proportions!

What could it be? The Rumor Mill has been churning more butter than Weird Al in 'Amish Paradise'. Do we here at SounderWaves know who the next big DP signing will be? Do we have the inside scoop on Levesque's next goal celebration? Or maybe we know something about a certain upcoming road trip. What could it be!!?

Back by Popular Demand!

Over the past six months at least three people have asked me what happened to the blog, which can only mean one thing. We gotta bring it back! I've been playing with this idea for a while now. Watch this space for an Announcement OF Earth Shattering Proportions! For now, here are some pictures from Sunday's game. If you missed out on the whole "Scuba Diver" celebration please let us know. It's worth learning about.

I know what you're all thinking...

Since DomiNate and TheNatrix have not brought us a win, why not combine the two powerhouse nicknames to form TheDomiNatrix? Well, keep dreamin. It's the summer and its way too hot outside to wear leather.

Instead I have shelled out the $83 Buck for the Electricity Jersey. A guy born in Croatia invented electricity so I think it makes sense.



Sounders end their drought today. 3-1

DomiNate is out, enter TheNatrix

"Kung Fu knows ME!"

I haven't been in a fight since college, but before last Sounders game I had to punk a drunk.

Here's what happened. Many of you know I have a tendancy to get grumpy/angry when I haven't eaten, when I get stuck in traffic, and when I'm late. My commute to the Sounders/Boca game was the perfect storm. GPS told me the drive from my office to QWEST would be 14 minutes. It took me an hour and ten. I told people to meet me at Sluggers so we could pound a couple beers. We are 20 minutes before game time, so people are everywhere. I'm walking at a brisk Nate pace, and I begin to pass a dude who is just standing there not moving. At the exact moment when I'm about to walk by, the guy throws his arm up and snaps his fingers directly in my face, making contact with my eye. Normally I do a good job of ignoring drunken behavior, but this time I couldn't let it slide. I immediately turn and shove the guy about five feet. Dude turns towards me in a drunken charge, and I take the impact and push him again. He charged me again with increased drunken aggression, but this time, instead of pushing him, I grabbed his arms, and using his momentum against him, I hurled his face directly into the pavement. As he rolled over I grabbed him by the throat and pinned him to the ground. I can't really remember what I yelled at the guy, but it drew the attention of his buddy and about twenty Sounders fans. As tempting as it was to punch the guy in the face, I figured the public shame in front of his friend and strangers was enough.

Who said this season was boring?!

Whine and Cheese - The Freddie Ljungberg Project

Sometimes I yell at referees when I'm playing soccer. Usually it's just yelling about a bad call, and then getting on with the game. But I'll be the first person to admit that on occasion, I've spent an entire game yelling at a referee for his sub-standard performance. What I've learned from these bouts of yelling is that it gets you nowhere. And if the same referee officiates one of your games in the future, you are even less likely to get favorable calls from him. Too bad I still yell at him. Which leads me to a discussion of the Sounder Dean of Douchebaggery, Freddie Ljungberg.

Freddie spent large portions of last year doing this - yelling at referees. Granted, none of us believes that the referees in MLS are consistently good. I'm sure that Freddie is used to much better refs from his earlier playing days, and containing his rage is not easy. But I wonder just how productive it is for Freddie, and the rest of his teammates, when he spends all 90 minutes telling the man in yellow exactly how he's screwing up. Too many MLS refs seem like the types to hold grudges. I know that if somebody came into my office and told me how I was screwing up, I would poop on the hood of their car ("What was that? I'm fired? Because I pooped on my boss's car? What's wrong with that?"). Turns out the Coach thinks he spends too much time yelling at refs too. But Freddie doesn't agree - he considers it a show of passion. He might be right. Appearances would suggest that Freddie is the most passionate man in MLS, but internationally, he's got some competition.

My personal favorite is Wayne Rooney. This is a man who gets his money's worth when he's yelling at referees. This picture doesn't do him justice. He's way too restrained. Last year, while playing at Fulham, ManU finally got a call to go their way in a game they were losing late, and Big Wayne picked up the ball and threw it at the referee as hard as he could. Fortunately for the referee, Wayne's aim was off and he instead hit his teammate. But he earned himself a red card anyway. If only he'd hit the ref.

Then there's Cristiano Ronaldo. I personally like Ronaldo because of his ability to display inner anguish. I've never seen a man who looks more likely to cry when a referee fails to give him a call. And when he pleads and begs for the referee to issue a card to the player who fouled him, Ronaldo literally looks as if he could burst into tears at any moment. By now you've probably realized that this post is just an excuse to post amusing pictures of players I generally don't like. But how can you resist this picture? Classic stuff. If this were basketball, Michael Jordan would take this as a sign of Ronaldo's incredible passion for the game and waste a lottery pick on him. We all knew Adam Morrison would suck in the NBA. Why couldn't Jordan figure it out?

The greatest single performance of yelling at a referee that I've ever seen? Michael Ballack in the Champions League a few years back. Somebody shoots in second half stoppage time, defender jumps to block the shot, and the ball strikes his arm. Maybe it's a handball, maybe not. But the ref doesn't give it. Ballack goes crazy because Chelsea needs a goal to draw level. He runs with the ref for 70 yards, screaming in his ear, bumping him for good measure. This was a personally satisfying event for me because Nathan roots for Chelsea, and I like to see them lose. Nathan of course sided with Ballack.

What's the takeaway? Apparently Freddie Ljungberg will continue to complain. And that would be okay, if he scored as many goals as Ronaldo or Rooney, or controlled a game from midfield the way Ballack could two years ago. Unfortunately, he doesn't do any of those things. And we'll have to suffer through his constant whining until he leaves, retires, or loses his passion for the game. It looks to me like he's rubbing off on Zakuani as well, which means we have at least four years of this crap to look forward to.

The New York Follow Up Post and San Jose Meditation

Apologies for not posting last week. After the 4-0 drubbing at the hands of LA, I wasn't sure I had the stomach to put something together in anticipation of the New York match. I actually didn't watch the New York match live as I was participating in that most patriotic of pastimes, beer pong.

On a side note, I spent a solid five minutes trying to figure out how to spell "pastime." Honestly, which of you can honestly say that you've seen the word in print? Or that you actually know the correct way to spell it? I first tried "pasttime," but it looks and feels wrong. So I tried "passtime," and again it feels wrong. Then I tried "passedtime," and it felt more wrong than a voluntary prostate exam. I considered making two words, but then went to the most reliable of sources, Wiktionary. And it says to spell it this way. Consider it your spelling lesson for the year.

On another side note, my team finished 2nd in the beer pong tournament. We were three cups away from winning $200. So unfortunate. I'm actually much better at beer pong than I thought I was. I think I developed the necessary ball touch in the last few years. Probably from spending so much time alone on my couch watching anime.

Anyway, after watching the New York game on tape, I don't know that I have anything positive or negative to say. I thought the effort was there. We created some chances, but not many. We allowed very few chances. And it took some magic for us to get the goal and the three points. Maybe it was karma, as we've lost so many points late in games this year. Maybe it's because there is so much parity in MLS that anybody can beat anybody at any time. Honestly, I don't care. I'll take three points anyway we can get them.

This weekend's game is against San Jose. Talk about not terrible anymore. San Jose finished last year with 30 points. Only 7 wins all year. In only 7 games this year, San Jose has 4 wins. They should be favored to win this game. But there are no redeeming qualities to San Jose. First, I believe Nate was born in or around San Jose. Strike 1. Second, the distribution of non-married single non-Hispanic whites over the age of 25 is shocking. 59% of those folks are men. That's a 60:40 male:female split in San Jose. All those computer programmers flocking to their Star Trek conventions just can't seem to find a mate. Strike 2 because they probably spent more money on their Star Trek uniforms than on a nice suit. And they have a sculpture that looks like a giant turd. And as California is prone to do, they dedicated it to a Mexican, Cesar Chavez. To be honest, this is probably not a strike in my book. But since naming a poo-shaped sculpture after a Mexican is only really funny to me, I guess I'll call this Strike 3.

With those three strikes and no positive factors to consider, we should easily destroy San Jose. Seattle Sounders 3 - Poop Sculptures 0.

The Las Angeles Preview

I will be in Las Vegas this weekend, and thus I will miss the game. But I can post a brief preview and hopefully spread knowledge and wisdom among our many followers. Minions, read on.

If you want to understand LA this year, you need to understand two things. First, they play solid defense. This is the result of solid coaching by Bruce Arena. I have it on a good source that after some initial struggles by his D last year, Bruce brought the guys into his office for some old fashioned coaching. Once they were all in the room, he challenged them all to pry from his chubby hands the delicious, dripping, meat ball sub. Predictably, Arena prevailed. But his players learned a valuable lesson - protect your goal the way Bruce Arena protects meatball subs. The result is that LA has only given up two (2) goals in six (6) games. LA defenders have actually bitten more opposing forwards in the run of play (four (4) of them, to date). If they have to bite anybody, I hope it's Brad Evans.

The second defining characteristic of LA this year is Edson Buddle. The much-traveled forward is in the middle of a crazy scoring streak right now. He's scored nine (9) goals already this year. I consider Edson Buddle to be the soccer equivalent of Kirstie Alley. Years ago, Kirstie Alley was HOT. I mean she was poster-material. Just look at that picture. I would sell a number of my vital organs for one night with that version of Kirstie Alley. Consider that picture to be Edson Buddle's current form - jaw dropping. But we all know Kirstie Alley for a different reason now. Because she's the only person alive who ever successfully took a meatball sub out of Bruce Arena's hands. That's right, look it up on Wikipedia. And this second picture is from the Oprah appearance where she explained the incident. Anyway, back to my point. Kirstie Alley once looked amazing, and that's how Edson Buddle looks now. But we all know that sooner or later, Kirstie Alley is going to gain 150 pounds and look like Jabba the Hutt's niece. Edson Buddle is not this good. He will regress to the mean. He will stop scoring ridiculous goals and start missing wide open chances, like he's always done. Hopefully, the Sounder defense reminds him what it's like to play a game and not score.

Vote for one of our own!

Rodney Greiling, who stands directly in front of Funk at Sounders games, is nominated for the Golden Scarf for May 22nd. Please follow the link and vote for him. It would add "Great Honor and Prestige" to our Section, 120. Do it. I did it. It felt good.

http://www.soundersfc.com/Matchday/Golden-Scarf/May-22.aspx

Kufo's Twente are Dutch Champions!!!!

It came down to the final game of the season in Holland. Two teams were in the running. Ajax, winners of 29 Dutch titles and 4 European Championships, and Twente Enschede, who had never won a title in club history. At the end of the day, both teams won their respective games, and Twente won out by one point.



Why should you care? One of Twente's most valuable players is joining the Sounders in July. After he represents Switzerland in the World Cup, Blaise Kufo will provide Seattle with a goal scoring ability we have never seen before. He scored over 100 goals for Twente, a team that never threatened for a title until his arrival.

Congrats to Kufo for finishing his career in Holland with a trophy, let's hope he brings one to Seattle next.