The Las Angeles Preview

I will be in Las Vegas this weekend, and thus I will miss the game. But I can post a brief preview and hopefully spread knowledge and wisdom among our many followers. Minions, read on.

If you want to understand LA this year, you need to understand two things. First, they play solid defense. This is the result of solid coaching by Bruce Arena. I have it on a good source that after some initial struggles by his D last year, Bruce brought the guys into his office for some old fashioned coaching. Once they were all in the room, he challenged them all to pry from his chubby hands the delicious, dripping, meat ball sub. Predictably, Arena prevailed. But his players learned a valuable lesson - protect your goal the way Bruce Arena protects meatball subs. The result is that LA has only given up two (2) goals in six (6) games. LA defenders have actually bitten more opposing forwards in the run of play (four (4) of them, to date). If they have to bite anybody, I hope it's Brad Evans.

The second defining characteristic of LA this year is Edson Buddle. The much-traveled forward is in the middle of a crazy scoring streak right now. He's scored nine (9) goals already this year. I consider Edson Buddle to be the soccer equivalent of Kirstie Alley. Years ago, Kirstie Alley was HOT. I mean she was poster-material. Just look at that picture. I would sell a number of my vital organs for one night with that version of Kirstie Alley. Consider that picture to be Edson Buddle's current form - jaw dropping. But we all know Kirstie Alley for a different reason now. Because she's the only person alive who ever successfully took a meatball sub out of Bruce Arena's hands. That's right, look it up on Wikipedia. And this second picture is from the Oprah appearance where she explained the incident. Anyway, back to my point. Kirstie Alley once looked amazing, and that's how Edson Buddle looks now. But we all know that sooner or later, Kirstie Alley is going to gain 150 pounds and look like Jabba the Hutt's niece. Edson Buddle is not this good. He will regress to the mean. He will stop scoring ridiculous goals and start missing wide open chances, like he's always done. Hopefully, the Sounder defense reminds him what it's like to play a game and not score.