Everybody Hates Portland

Or at least they should. Our neighbor to the south is the meth capital of the US, and will always be our less successful older brother. Portland was an established US city before Seattle made a name for itself. But Portland rested on its early successes, and Seattle quickly passed it by in both economic and international significance.

So it should come as no surprise that our bitter neighbors to the south hate us. They hate us with a passion that can only be likened to an older brother who is forced to watch a younger sibling become bigger, stronger, faster, better looking, thinner, and more successful. The spite and bitterness generated in Portland could provide enough energy to power Wichita, if only somebody knew how to harness them. Somebody from Seattle will probably figure it out soon.

I think this sibling rivalry is going to play out very well in MLS. Seattle already looks down on Portland the way UW looks down on The University of Oregon (despite Oregon's recent dominance over UW, we UW fans remain well aware of Oregon's proper place in the world - underneath it). Already there were crowd issues at the Portland-Seattle US Open Cup match last year, with a Seattle supporter apparently being escorted out of the stadium (and apparently being hog-tied? Dan, Kelly, you were there, can you confirm that?). And we'll get an early chance to revisit this rivalry in early March, when Seattle hosts Portland in a Community Shield match with all proceeds going to charity.

So what can we expect from this game? I hear that the seating will be entirely GA, so a $10 ticket can buy you a front row seat if you get there early enough. But this also means (potentially) no enforced separation of Portland and Seattle fans. Could this lead to violence in the stands? Personally, I don't think so, but who knows. People may be very drunk by kick off, increasing the odds of violence quite a bit.

This all leads me to wonder - is Portland the better rival for Seattle? Should it be Vancouver? Personally, I think Portland is the better rival, mostly because I've learned to hate Oregon for it's ugly college football uniforms, stupid speed limits, and an unreasonable desire to declare itself the official capital of ____ in the US (Soccer Town USA, Microbrew Capital of the USA, you name it). Vancouver is way too concerned with breaking into people's cars to name itself much of anything. So that's my vote. Let's all join together and hate Portland. Who's with me?