Gandalf - Return of the King
So here we are. Match 1 of Season 2 of SSFC. And our opponent is almost a complete unknown. Who knows what the hell to expect from Philly. A glance at their roster (and reading what others are saying) suggests that Philly will be a hard-working, defensive minded squad. If you're starting guys like Le Toux, I have to believe that's the truth. There are no real scary attacking players on their roster, just a bunch of annoying pests and guys who are really too inconsistent to be much of a legitimate scoring threat.
Which leaves me with only one option - to write an entire post about what I hope to see from the game. To start with, ball control. We struggled with it at times last year. The roster hasn't turned over, and the guys should be better able to link up and play as a team. I want to see us dominate possession against the Union, who are likely to pack it in and hope for a counter attack goal.
I also want to see us score the chances we get. If Montero gets a wide open look in the opening 20 minutes and blows it, I think you're going to hear a lot of moans and groans from the crowd, who will feel like we're picking things up right where they left off last year. If we can get an early goal, then the crowd will go nuts, and I think the Union will have to come out of their shell, making for a much more entertaining game. My guess is we create a few good chances in the opening 20 - I want to see one go in.
Additionally, I do not want to see the defensive flukes that plagued us at times last year. They always seemed to involve Tyrone Marshall. Whether it's whiffing on a clearance, or clearing a ball off a teammate, or not expecting a crazy bounce, SSFC defenders need to make sure that Philly gets no cheap and easy goals. If we can make them earn their goals, I think we handle them easily.
My prediction for the game:
4-0 Sounders
Make it happen boys.
Its Gandalf man, one word. Don't disrespect the stormcrow like that. I'm so upset I'm not going to read your post till noon. Or is that because I'm late for work?
ReplyDeleteA beer for anyone who knows his other nickname, I dominate LOTR triva.
I know we all have problems with Starscream and that to add to the list of grievances here is a lot like throwing an energon cube into an ocean of cybercrap, but I think there's something that must be mentioned. Aim. He doesn't. Or can't.
ReplyDeleteSo. Starscream is our second in command. Some might argue that, no, it's Shockwave, but come on people. If Shockwave is so important, why on eff did he sit there on his Malformed Purple Loins for 4 million years while the rest of us were all buried in a fucking underwater volcano or whatever? "Guard Cybertron," Megatron told him. Well nice work, pal. Oh wait, I forgot, all the Autobots were BURIED IN A GODDAMN MOUNTAIN! So there was nothing to defend against. Whatever.
Starscream is 2nd in command. This is a given, and this forum isn't for pondering the (appalling lack of) wisdom of Megatron's decisions. Truly, the entire internet hasn't the room for such discussions. There he is. Second in command and direct commander of the "elite" airborne strikeforce consisting of him, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Ramjet (lol!), Thrust (LOL!!), and whatshisname. Right. So. As we all know, Autobots can't fly. I mean, most of them can't. Well, like, the MAIN ones, right? The ones that are always hanging out in that ghetto crashed spaceship place (how do they walk around in there, anyway? Like, all crooked?). So, here's an obvious idea, let's send all our jets after these jerks (Ramjet!! Ha hahaha!!), put 'em away for good and be on our merry, evil way, right? Great idea! Ooh, here's another one! Let's put Starscream in charge of the strike! Oops.
Starscream graduated 74 of 75 in his class at the Cybertronian War Academy. His interests included Not Marksmanship, Tactical Blundership, and Grating Sexually Ambiguous Voicemanship. His over-reliance on lasers, close-range strafing, and "aiming with the heart" have made a mockery of Decepticon military prowess for years. And yet nobody says hey.
Here's a quick One Act:
Act One
Scene One
(interior, Autobot base. Klaxons ringing)
Optimus Prime: Perceptor, report!
Perceptor: My long-range scanners detect an incoming Decepticon threat in sector 74-B!
Optimus Prime: Alright, ready defensive turrets, activate reserve...
Perceptor: Wait! At the head of the enemy squadron...it's (snicker)...it's only Starscream.
Optimus Prime: Alright, I guess it's safe to go back to jerking each other off. Autobots, roll out!
Ironhide: Yep, dat der Stahscream's a real hoot n' hollah, ain't yup do what now?
Grimlock: Me, Grimlock, have useless forelimbs!
FIN
Whatever, I can't keep this up. You get where I'm going. I saw Starscream fire off a set of missiles ONCE; they exploded harmlessly into a boulder formation, I guess because it's really hard to hit a VW Beetle escaping at over 30 MPH!! What is this, G.I. Joe? The Human American military has been using heat seeking Sidewinder missiles since 1956. That's, like, right after the Reformation, buddy.
Anywoot, that's enough for now. Let me just leave you with this. I am, and shall remain, your Robotic Servant of Evil, P-Traxxx
(overheard)
Rumble: "Megatron... it's -- it's the Autobots!"
Megatron: "Impossible! They were doomed!"
Skywarp: "Don't worry. We'll make 'em regret undooming themselves!"
Jetfire is the only flying Autobot of note. He was frozen in the polar ice caps or something and came and saved the day once.
ReplyDeleteWhen Megatron transformed into a pistol (man that was a cool and dangerous looking toy), he always flung himself to Starscream. So who is the lesser decepticon, the incompetent with no aim or the leader who gives him the shot?
Touch it P Traxxx
ReplyDeleteWasn't his other name Gandalf Greyheim or something like that?
ReplyDelete